Random McKeever-ness

I think my brain is starting to engage again now that Jasper is 4 months old. I have been having all these thoughts and things that I want to share and write down and document for my kids and my family. But that is where it seems to always end...at the thought or desire. With all that is required to take care of a baby and the big kids and life in general my randomness gets put on hold and then I wonder why didn't I do anything about that. Oh yeah, someone needed me. So I am going to put some of them here.

The other day I was thinking of my brother. I think it was because I see Kaylee and Connor together. But I loved growing up with him!!! Kaylee loves to hear stories from when I was young. And I love to tell her about Bowen! I love sharing a birthday with him! I love that when I was a kid I could be in the living room, right next to the kitchen, and yell at Bowen, who was down stairs or in his room, that I needed a drink. And he would get me one. He would always get me one, often it was lukewarm but he always did it. I love that the one year we went to High School together he always made me smile when I saw him in the halls. I love that I opened my locker one morning and there was a hubcap hanging in it. I still don't know how he got it in there. I love that we had our kids at the same time. I love that I get random texts from my mom's phone telling me that Bowen is her favorite kid, knowing it's really him. I love my brother. I admire the man that he is and am amazed, but not surprised, by the father and husband he is.

I think about my sister Kim. The only real memory I have of her living at home is that night she told us she was getting married. But I remember her living with us with her family. I remember seeing her crazy sick when she was pregnant. I remember thinking what an amazing mom she was when I saw her with her babies. She was the first person I ever really saw be a mom other than my mom. I wanted so much to be a mom like her. I'm not sure I am but I'm grateful for the example she gave me. I love that I had here there. I love that she has always been there for me. I love that she has such an amazing sense of humor, that the loves us and wants to be around us no matter how crazy we are.

I think about Sarah. I have very few good memories of Sarah. One is I remember her telling me bedtime stories about Snow White and Rose Red. I also remember she did some project somewhere and redid a little desk for me. But that one I was thinking about the other day too. It seems the perfect analogy for life with Sarah. She made me a desk, she refinished it. Pained it, and gave it to me. But that desk was never stable. It fell over and smashed my fingers, made me smack my head, and bruise my shin constantly. Until finally I said I can't do this anymore and sold it at a yard sale. I say that desk is like Sarah, because it was a sunny happy yellow that couldn't help but hurt me and make me sad. And Sarah, often with a smile, can't help but hurt those around her and make us sad. Until finally we say I can't do this any more. I don't wish bad things for Sarah, I just can't let her hurt me anymore.

I think about Renee. She was my favorite growing-up. I have tons of memories of her. I remember living in Winslow and she worked at Burger King. For some reason we shared the brown room with the water bed at the time, I wasn't very big. She would come home from work and no matter what side of the bed I was on she would wake me up and tell me I was on her side. I would move over and she would climb in and tell me thanks for warming up her spot and go to sleep, while I was freezing trying to warm up my spot. I remember going to get DQ. I remember going for a walk one night in the middle of the night with her when I couldn't sleep. I love Renee, I love that she was there for me always when I was little. I hope that she knows how much I love her even with all that life has put in our way over the years.

I think of Polly. I have so many memories of her that I know she has no clue about. She had a trunk with all her favorite things in it. To me it was a treasure chest! I wanted to be like her. I wanted to be close to her. But I wasn't sure liked me much when I was a kid. So I learned to be sneaky. I would get into her trunk, before I touched anything I would sit there and just look at where everything was. That way I could put it all back just like it was when I was done. Then I would would take it all out and play, and play and play. She a little people circus train and some jungle safari set that were so much cooler than my toys. I just loved being close to her. I used to use her shampoo so I could smell like her. I am so grateful that we have become friends! I love Polly and still want to be like her when I grow up. She is amazing to me.

I think about Melanie. I don't even know where to begin. I remember when she was tiny and wondering why we couldn't just take her home. I mean really that's where she belonged right? I remember when Sarah moved to New York with her and how sad I was. I remember not understanding really why she had to go where ever crazy Sarah went. Mary didn't belong with Sarah, she was supposed to be my sister. I remember going to the airport with Mom to get her when David sent her home. I was so glad she was back. I wanted her to love me so much, but she had been through more than any kid should have to. I saw her struggle, I saw her fight, I saw her hurting. I wanted so much to make it better, make it easier. I see Melanie now and am at a loss. No words can express my love and amazement for the woman she has become.

I think how very, very lost I would be with out my siblings. I thank God for my family. I thank God that my parents kept having kids. We need each other. It's not always easy to be family. But I swear it is always a riot to be in this family. We are loud, we think we are very funny. We quilt, we are loyal. We are MCKEEVERS!